Leadership: Is the fear of giving feedback holding you back?

It’s something all managers have to deal with at some point.

Whether it be the often-dreaded annual performance review (check out our thoughts on those here…), a weekly team meeting or just general discussions about a project, providing feedback to a colleague can be one of those conversations that is feared and pushed back. Sometimes, these conversations are so disliked from an managerial perspective, they are ignored entirely.

The ability to give and receive appropriate feedback is key to your development, as well as the development of your team or organisation. Research suggests that feedback can increase our wellbeing at work, improve performance, and deepen our relationships, with tangible impacts on employee retention. So why are some leaders so fearful of doing it, and what issues can this create?

The pitfalls of approaching feedback in the wrong way

For many leaders, feelings of either personal care, or lack of, for an individual can lead to avoidance of providing feedback. But this can have hugely negative consequences for teams and individuals.

Kim Scott is an author and podcaster, who previously led the AdSense, YouTube and DoubleClick teams at Google, as well as working as a CEO coach for some of the biggest Silicon Valley tech companies. In her book Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity, Scott discusses the four quadrants of feedback:

Ruinous Empathy: When you care personally, and won’t challenge directly

This is the most common mistake made by managers, diluting the feedback due to feelings of personal care and fear of the colleague taking it personally. But a difficult conversation initially could spare a much more difficult one later down the road, and from someone who leans much more towards obnoxious aggression (see below)

Manipulative Insincerity: When you don’t care personally, and won’t challenge directly

Managers and leaders who lack any empathy or care for their teams are the ones who often provide insincere or incomplete feedback. They are far more likely to let mistakes be made and provide no feedback at all.

Obnoxious Aggression: When you don’t care personally, and will challenge directly

A combination of lack of personal empathy and a penchant for direct confrontation can lead to this. It is usually the most actively and quickly damaging of the four quadrants. While it can lead to short-term results, these are often powered by fear and in the long term, will have nothing but negative consequences for morale.

Radical Candor: When you care personally, and will challenge directly

This is the most ideal scenario. Having colleagues truly know you care personally about their professional and personal development, but also being direct enough with them about their strengths and weaknesses. As a leader, if you forge personal connections with your teams, they will automatically feel more open to hearing honest feedback.

(the above concept of the four quadrants of feedback is taken from Kim Scott’s book, Radical Candor) 

Overcoming the fear of giving feedback

Avoiding feedback can have detrimental effects on both individual and team performance. Overcoming this fear is essential for creating a culture of continuous improvement and open communication, and failure to overcome them can be a fast-track to Ruinous Empathy.

So, with the four quadrants of feedback in mind, what are the common fears associated with giving feedback and what can be done to overcome them?

Fear: The feedback is complex and may not be understood

One of the most common fears is that feedback, especially when it involves complex issues, may not be fully understood. This fear often stems from concerns that the feedback will be too nuanced, leading to confusion or misinterpretation.

To overcome this fear, leaders should focus on clarity and simplicity. Break down the feedback into manageable parts and use clear, concise language. It may help to prepare in advance by identifying the key points you want to convey. Visual aids or examples can also be effective in helping the recipient grasp complex ideas. Additionally, check for understanding by asking the recipient to provide a summary, clearing up avenues for misinterpretation.

Leaders should also consider framing the feedback as a dialogue rather than a one-way communication. Encourage questions and provide context, explaining not just the “what” but the “why” behind the feedback.

Fear: You’re about a negative reaction

This is a very common reason why feedback is delayed or ignored entirely. Leaders may worry that the colleague will become defensive, upset, or demotivated, straining their working relationship. This fear again leads to Ruinous Empathy, but in truth, with the correct approach, only those who deal in the art of Obnoxious Aggression need worry about this (not that, of course, they ultimately will)

To manage this fear, it is essential to approach feedback with empathy and tact. Begin by acknowledging the recipient’s strengths and contributions before addressing areas for improvement. This technique, often referred to as the “feedback sandwich,” (or another, less subtle name…) can soften the impact of any criticism.

Timing is also crucial. Provide feedback in a private, comfortable setting where the recipient feels safe and respected. Avoid delivering feedback when emotions are high or during stressful periods, and definitely don’t give bad news on a Friday afternoon.

Moreover, leaders should frame feedback as a tool for growth rather than as a critique of character. When employees understand that feedback is meant to help them improve rather than to judge them, they are more likely to respond positively.

Fear: It’s going to take a long time

It probably won’t take as long as you might fear, if you go about it the right way… but it will certainly be a drawn out process if you don’t, or ignore it entirely.

Investing time in giving feedback can actually save time in the long run. Unaddressed issues can lead to repeated mistakes, decreased productivity, and a decline in team morale, all of which are far more time-consuming, and difficult, to resolve… no matter how much forced corporate fun you try.

To make feedback more time-efficient, leaders can incorporate it into regular check-ins or performance reviews rather than waiting for major issues to arise. This approach not only normalises feedback but also makes it more manageable. Short, frequent feedback sessions can prevent small issues from escalating into larger problems.

It doesn’t all have to be dry and serious… humour has a big role to play in effective leadership. Find out more here

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